The trailer for the eagerly awaited Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was released online earlier this week, confirming my suspicions that it will turn out to be the second greatest Civil War movie ever made (Glory will always be top cheese, no if’s and’s or but’s). I will go one step further in my lofty predictions: if this film does not turn out to be the best vampire movie to come out of Hollywood in the last decade, I will pull a Herzog and eat my own shoe.
That being said, my confidence in AL:VH‘s potential awesomeness is more of a desperate plea than brash optimism. With the upcoming release of the fifth and (fingers-crossed) final installment of the Twilight franchise to be released this summer, I have long since passed the point of feigning interest in the tales of virginal vampire teens. Nosferatu must be turning in his grave to see his offspring reduced to mumbling, angst-ridden nymphomaniacs.
Leave it to honest Abe to rescue the vampire film. Based on a 2010 mock epistolary novel about the 16th president’s secret diary documenting his blood-stained tale of vampire vengeance, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter‘s teaser trailer has everything one can ask for in a vampire movie: dark, moody cinematography, campy violence, bloodthirsty villains and a genius tagline. The vampire movie may have been created by the Germans but it was the Americans who perfected the formula, recognizing the ridiculous nature of the character and adding in healthy levels of camp and ultra-violence.
Are you a vampire or a patriot? Whatever side you choose, remember to thank honest Abe for rescuing the genre from the doldrums and restoring it to its proper position as a bloody good time.