Life Lessons for Earthlings and Others: Learning from Alien(s)

By Sarah Ingerson

For awhile now, people have been telling me to watch Ridley Scott’s Alien and I kept putting it off. Just look at my Netflix history. I’ve had the DVD sitting on my desk since October 4th. Any movie over 90mins just seems like too much of a time commitment for me, unless it’s Titanic or Pride and Prejudice. But those both have pretty dresses and/or scenery and/or men. Let’s face it. They’re cheese-fests.

But this week, I decided to take a break from the cinematic cheese (perhaps due to my roommate’s bringing home an actual platter of cheese) and watch Alien. Here is what I learned.

Life Lessons from Alien:

1. Sometimes, the black person doesn’t die first.
But….he still dies.

2. In the future, computers will really just be sparkly Magic 8 Balls.
Except they won’t even have an “Ask Again Later” option. Jerkfaces.

3. Don’t touch giant eggs.
They will not make great omelets; they will eat your face.

4. Never follow the cat.
Those buttfaces always lead you to your impending doom.

5. Stay out of sketchy holes.
Especially when said hole is inside a spaceship that looks like two giant penises stuck together, or a claw. It’s debatable.