By Sarah Ingerson
I grew up with the Scream movies in all their ridiculous, boob-bouncing glory. So, naturally, I knew that I had to see Scream 4. It was terrible, and not in a good way. It was painful to watch it try to go meta. It was like an unfunny version of Scary Movie with more annoying people. BUT, somehow, I did manage to learn a thing or two.
1. Apparently, people still have land lines.
Seriously, why knew?
2. Don’t leave your house.
Ever.
3. Don’t stay in your house.
Ever.
4. Also off-limits: hospitals, barns, cars, and garages.
Maybe just invest in a plastic bubble.
5. Even tiny, muscle-free people can be killers.
Apparently, you don’t need to be that strong to stab, fight, or shoot people. You just have to have an unhealthy desire to be famous. So, watch out for that quiet, short girl in the back of the classroom. She might kill you in your sleep.
SUPER SPECIAL BONUS
My favorite quote: “I’m gonna slit your eyelids in half so you don’t blink when I stab you in the face.”
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