By Brandice Wilson
9. July—You really should have gone with November. It’s a much more flattering month. Next time, plan ahead.
7. Jewel or Jem… Guaranteed his/her parents will ask everyone, “Isn’t he/she just sooooo precious?”
6. Jaguar—Is your son a car or a cat? I’m confused.
5. Jock; Origin: English; Meaning: Diminutive form of John; Guaranteed: Your son won’t be attending college.
4. Jedi; Origin: American; Meaning: “My parents were disappointed when I didn’t pop out green with large ears.”
3. Lefty—Come on. Do you hate your kid already?!?
2. “[Whistling noise] Come here Lassie! Come here girl!”
1. La Cienega; Origin: Spanish; Meaning: The swamp, marshes; Note to the father: Some guy somewhere in LA is saying right now, “Yeah the other day when I was going down on La Cienega…”