It takes skills to make Megan Fox unattractive. Really, it does. But, I think Jennifer’s Body achieved it thanks to the wonders of disturbingly close shots and terrible make-up. Seriously, I don’t need to see a dramatic close-up of the acne scar on her forehead. I really don’t.
Yet, the abominable portrayal of Megan Fox’s hotness was not the only reason the movie was terrible; surprisingly, neither was Megan Fox’s acting. The movie was just damn boring. I actually feel sorry for anyone who paid to see it in theatres. The movie theatre should have definitely given you your money back, or at the very least, free popcorn. But, spending two hours of my life on such a terrible movie was not a complete waste. I actually learned some things.
Life Lessons of Jennifer’s Body:
1. Cannibalism is good for you.
It makes your hair shinier, your skin smoother, and those bags under your eyes hardly even noticeable. Maybe Chelsea Lately should look into this.
2. Vomit can be spiky.
Just don’t ask what’s in it….(Satan juices, a broken uterus, and various forms of venereal disease…that explains what my throw-up looks like).
3. Stay away from rape vans.
You know? No windows, fuzzy carpet, lots of devil-worshipping musicians in the back. Just cross the street.
4. Superheroes are really just demons.
Well, they survived a fight with demons at least. Because apparently, if you get scratched by a demon and live, you get magical powers like floating and kicking things really well.
5. If a girl seems too hot for you, she might be trying to eat your soul.
Or your face. And not in a good way.