Life Lessons for Earthlings and Others: I am Number….OoOo explosion!

By Sarah Ingerson

As we all know, this past week was Spring Break, aka the time when I cram in as many movies as possible. There were some decent ones (Wild Target) and some not so decent ones (Please, never make me watch You Again….again). But, I also saw some mid-range ones like I Am Number Four, a film which probably belongs on the not so decent side of the ratings, but is redeemed by the sheer hotness of Number Six. Who needs Number Four when you can have a hot chick in leather instead? No offense to Alex Pettyfer and his awkward hair dye.

Life Lessons of I Am Number Four:

1. Be as bland as possible.

It worked for Bella, and it works for the love interest in this movie, a girl who is so boring I can barely remember her name…even though it’s the exact same as mine. Sarah. With an ‘h’ and everything.  Clearly, being completely nondescript and uninteresting is the best way to attract that brooding hottie in your bio class. Be careful though. He might be an alien.

2. Ignorance isn’t always bliss.
If you know that the alien kid your protecting is eventually going to develop awesome super powers like super strength and glowing hands, it might be a good idea to tell him about it. It would help avoid the whole fleeing from class with flashlights for hands thing.

3. My English professor is really a Mogadorian trying to hunt down a hidden Lorien child on Earth.
Ok, not really. But he does have similar tattoos.

4. Telling someone you’ve only know for a few weeks that they’re your lifelong mate isn’t creepy; it’s romantic.
…..Personally, I just think it’s creepy. But, hey. Maybe I’m just not boring enough to be a desperately receptive love interest.

5. Beware of all dogs.
They might really be weird wombat-stegosaurus hybrids in disguise. On second thought, find a dog right now, and ride that giant wombat-stegosaurus to school. Just  get a really good leash.