Why do gyms have all those mirrors? To make sure you’re lifting the weights straight? I told myself that too, until I found myself thinking: “My, what beautiful blue eyes you have”. The truth is that the mirrors work as a double-edged motivational tool, simultaneously telling gym rats “Is that a muffin top? Whoa, you need to start coming here more often” and “These sessions are really paying off, that looks like an extra ripple in your bicep”. The catch is, once most people start hearing the second phrase, the only logical decision is to take a hard earned gym hiatus and drink beer for a month. Let’s face it, the gym sucks.
You would have to be some kind of nutter to keep coming back to the florescent lights and the smell of narcisism that slips through the huge arm and neck holes of a tank top. After a certain point, you’re no longer working out for “the ladies”, you’re doing it for yourself and maybe some dudes back at the house. I thought girls wanted someone that qualifies as in shape but who can still swing their arms normally when they walk. I could be wrong, and that might explain why I’ve been racking up more strikes than a professional bowler.
When I am in there (either because I want to win a fight or because it is just after new years), I wonder if these guys are actually better suited for survival. If the cities and supermarkets were gone tomorrow, who would be able to live the longest? If we were all running away from a Lion, I know I would be at least a few steps ahead of them. However, some of them look like they would be the ones chasing the Lion. Maybe they would panic after the first few days without a dumbell sighting, or wither away to nothing without their Muscle Milk lifeblood.
Its an interesting question, and it keeps my mind of counting reps, which lets me make up higher numbers and get out of there faster. I hate the gym. It smells. You can find me in the pool outside. And by in the pool I mean the hot tub, or on one of those reclining chairs, making resolutions.