Before I begin my first official entry, I would like to give a little bit of background on myself and how it is I came up with the idea for writing this blog. The initial concept came to me over summer when a friend of mine, let’s call him Cornelius, came to me with a girl issue. He told me about a girl he knew; let’s call her Penelope, who had become the object of his desire. She was smart, beautiful, and most attractive of all; she was four years older than him. There was only one problem: he couldn’t figure out how he was going to get her to like him. “We’re going on a date tomorrow,” he said to me. “But I’m worried I’m gonna mess up!” At first I said nothing. While the dating game had become an avid pastime for me at this point, I had never thought about the psychology behind attraction. Then I thought back to when I first got into the dating game. I had a rough start initially, but the more dates I went on, the better I started to understand women and the better I started to understand what exactly I had to do to make a relationship work. I never learned dating by figuring out what to do, I only crossed out what not to do. I was able to lay out for Cornelius my list of don’ts. The inventory I gave to him not only changed his stance on the dating game, it helped him figure out the right way to act on his date with Penelope. Within two weeks of my pep talk, Cornelius and Penelope were a couple. I figure if my don’ts of dating were able to help one man make his love life work, maybe they’ll help you too. Without further ado, I present you with my weekly blog about the rules of attraction and Don’ts of Dating.
Don’t Do These 10 Things on the First Date
1. Don’t Do Dinner and a Movie
Dinner and a movie is so 1955. While yes, it’s the classic first date, there’s nothing very special about it in today’s world. Chances are the girl you’re taking out has already done this same exact date a million times before, so why be repetitive? Do something instead that demonstrates you are unique from all those other guys and she’ll find the originality mysterious and intriguing.
2. Don’t Be Against the Group Date
I used to think, “Come to the beach with me and my friends” as a way of a girl saying, “I like you, but you don’t have a chance in hell with me.” How wrong I was! The group date is a perfect way to get to know your love interest without all the pressure of it being a “formal date”. Girls look to their friends for approval of the guy they’re dating. Connect with her friends and you’ll have an even better shot with her.
3. Don’t Go Into the Date Without a Plan
“I don’t know, what do you wanna do?” should be dropped from your vocabulary. Before you meet up with your date, think of things to do and topics to discuss. Make sure the date revolves around things she will be interested in. Most girls aren’t going to want to go to Best Buy and watch you play Rock Band, but if you find one who does, she’s a keeper.
4. Don’t Put Too Much Pressure on Yourself
Tell me if this sounds familiar: “I need to make a move tonight, I have to, if I don’t she won’t go out with me again and she’ll start dating my best friend and blah, blah, blah…” Don’t think like this! If all you think about the whole date is the best opportunity to make a move, you’ll psych yourself out. Instead, enjoy the moment and her company. Don’t worry about where the date is going.
5. Don’t Be Too Inappropriate
There’s a fine line between appropriate date topics and inappropriate ones. Anything you can tell her about yourself that will make her laugh or be intrigued is always a winner. But don’t complain about the horrible day you’re having, don’t tell racist or sexist jokes, and for the love of God, never bad mouth an ex that screwed you over – it’ll only make the girl think you may one day bad mouth her as well.
6. Don’t Smell
This is pretty self-explanatory but to reiterate: shower, wear clean clothes, brush your teeth, apply deodorant. Oh and fun fact: if you plan on kissing her after you eat a meal, have mints handy, not gum. Gum makes your breath smell nice but won’t change the flavor of your saliva.
7. Don’t Be Creepy
Trying too hard to get her drunk, complimenting her chest and playing that car game where you have to take off your clothes if someone runs a red light will make you come off as a desperate pervert and/or potential rapist – however please ignore this rule if you are in a frat. It is expected of you.
8. Don’t Be Late
Chances are if you’re a few minutes late for a date the girl won’t mind, but this is more for your own well being than hers. Being late can create an awkward situation. One time I was ten minutes late meeting a date at Starbucks. When I showed up, she had already had her coffee without me and was chatting with a guy who was on his way to the gym. I didn’t get coffee and became a third wheel to her and Mr. Universe. I’ve never been late for a date since.
9. Don’t Tell Her How You Feel
Spelling out to a girl that you have a crush on her may have worked in middle school, but it’s the kiss of death in the adult world of dating. Although I personally agree that it takes a lot of confidence to tell a girl you like her, letting your feelings come out too fast can come across as awkward and needy in her eyes. Throw out that Shakespearean sonnet you wrote for her and show her how you feel by using body language and locking lips. If you “show” how you feel and don’t “tell”, your chances will increase extravagantly.
10. Don’t Be Upset if It Doesn’t Go Well
So you followed the first nine don’ts and you still got rejected? Obviously you’re going to be bummed but don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. Don’t pine over the girl too long. Take the failure as a learning experience, get back on your feet and jump in again. You and that girl weren’t meant to be, but that might not be true for the next girl.