So, I lied. I ended up doing another horror movie this week…but it was an extremely lame one, so I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count. Because, ladies and gents, I decided to watch…..Dun DUn DUN…My Super Pyscho Sweet 16 2….without ever having seen the first one, or to be honest the first half of this one.
BUT, despite my slacker approach to this movie, I did learn some valuable lessons. Because I started watching just in time for the gruesomely good, gory parts.
Life Lessons of My Super Psycho Sweet 16 2:
- Always bring an extension chord.
Just in case you want to kill someone with an electric knife. It’s hard to be menacing when your weapon of choice suddenly runs out of power.
- Never befriend someone whose Dad is an axe murderer.
You’d think this one would be a no-brainer, but for some reason, it appears to be difficult to grasp. So, let me repeat. If her Dad is an axe murderer, run away. That is if you value your brain, or your skin, or your throat. I happen to value all three.
- When given a choice in your death, always choose being stabbed in the heart over being suffocated.
Because apparently, it’s more honorable. To me, it just looks more painful. But hey, who am I too judge? I’ve never gone through either.
- Always keep a fire extinguisher in your car.
Just in case a burning drunk girl pops out of your friend’s giant birthday cake, and runs towards you in the parking lot.
- Never, ever run past corners.
Because you never know when a man with a meat tenderizer is waiting to smack you in the face.
So, there you have it. Life lessons from the lovely, cheesefest that is this made-for-MTV movie. I definitely want to watch the first one now, and I hope you do too!
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