By Sarah Ingerson
I’m back for Week Two! And this time around I will be giving you life lessons from….Fringe. Now, before you start freaking out because it’s a show and not a movie, let me justify myself by saying, that it’s a freakin’ awesome show! And, I watched like 6 episodes, so it’s like 3 movies? Or 2 if you prefer films of the longer variety.
But anyways, I picked Fringe because for the last month I have been feverishly trying to catch up on Seasons 1 and 2 before the Season 3 Premiere. But then this thing called school started, and now, I’m only on Season Two, Episode Seven. Stupid homework… Don’t my professors realize that fringe science is much more useful in my everyday life? How will French prepare me for the impending cataclysm of two parallel universes crashing into each other as re-enacted on Fringe via snowglobes!? (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, Fringepedia that sucker.) Unless, the parallel universe is mostly French….which is unlikely. Let’s face it. No offense, Napoleon, but you should have taken Ted’s advice.
But anyways! Here are my life lessons from Episodes 2.05 “Dream Logic” and 2.06 “Earthling” because I forgot to take notes on the first four episodes of Season 2….whoops.
Life Lessons from Fringe:
1. Cleopatra ain’t got nothin’ on Titanium Tetrachloride.
All you have to do for Cleopatra is let her marry a couple Roman dudes. All you have to do for Titanium Tetrachloride is recreate her atomic structure via tinker toys in order to solve a complicated formula in the hopes of stopping a shadow man from sucking the radiation out of people. Personally, I’m tired just from reading that sentence.
2. Suburban streets: the top-secret, secure location preferred by the CIA for top-secret, government discussions.
Because, let’s face it, no one goes outside anymore unless they are on their way to McDonald’s.
3. Dust Devils are not just for dusting.
They’re also really good at sucking up human ashes!
4. Business cards are the best way to communicate with the dead!
First, you have to ask anyone wearing red for a business card. Then, you have to circle two letters at random on each of these business cards. Then, you must write all of those letters down. Then, and here’s the fun part, you have to anagram that jumbled mess until you finally get the message you are looking for. And voila! The most efficient means of communicating with the dead! Ever! Can’t I just call Miss Cleo? Or better, yet, that talking rock, Olmec from Legends of the Hidden Temple? I think I trust them more.
5. Walter Bishop is the new Yoda.
Albeit, a psychotropic drug loving, clinically insane Yoda. But at least he doesn’t invert his sentence structures? My favorite quote from these last two episodes? “Either a green unicorn just raced across the lab or I accidentally took some LSD.” Good to know, Walter, good to know.