Life Lessons from Alien:
1. Sometimes, the black person doesn’t die first.
But….he still dies.
2. In the future, computers will really just be sparkly Magic 8 Balls.
Except they won’t even have an “Ask Again Later” option. Jerkfaces.
3. Don’t touch giant eggs.
They will not make great omelets; they will eat your face.
4. Never follow the cat.
Those buttfaces always lead you to your impending doom.
5. Stay out of sketchy holes.
Especially when said hole is inside a spaceship that looks like two giant penises stuck together, or a claw. It’s debatable.